This Really Is Our Life
by OohLaLaGirl
Summary: {see notes chapter for important things} Sam went to sleep in the arms of Dr. Silas Clay and she woke up married to Lucky Spencer, with her daughter Lila alive and well, Danny, her son, is 4. Jason is married to Liz and Jake never died. How will Sam cope with the reality she's woken up to? And how will she help her daughter cope with her own life as a 22 year old girl?
1. Important Footnotes

_++ I've read thousands of these type stories, where Lila didn't die, and she was kidnapped and returned, or something along those lines. I love those stories, I really do. Because the thing I __**hated**__ the most was Lila being killed before she even got a chance to have a life._

_And I ship JaSam, so yeah, I wanted a way to sort of 'fix everything', and do my own take on the lila lives plot.. This is just what I think the life of Lila Morgan would have been, if she hadn't died._

_Those of you who watched Dallas back in the day, this is me sort of taking the whole "Bobby didn't die/ ten year shower" thing and using it as a GH plot..Only this time, it's Sam I'll be using, and it's centered around a head injury sustained while working a case. But just what will change in her life? And how will she change things once she realizes she's NOT LIVING A DREAM?_

_There will be all sorts of changes to past tense and JaSam might not even be a couple, because +gasp+ I also ship Liason and it frustrtated me every single time they'd toy with liason only to take it all back later in the week._ _I also ship lusam and felt like they never got a fair chance either._

_But anyway, if I'm going to write this, I need you guys to give me input on something..who shall I pair with Lila, who is 22 in my story. _

_I give choices for this and they are:_

_Johnny Zacarra_

_Nathan West_

_++ Logan Hayes++ - I am honestly tempted to completely ignore the TMK bullshit and have other couples I ship in this also._

_Diego Alcazar – Sanchez_ _Okay, so I've decided I am going to ignore the TMK thing, so that means any teen, from 05 to recently, is still alive and well._ _Jake didn't die, either._

_+COUPLES LIST+_

_Spinelli + Georgie_

_Maxie + Coop_

_Dante + Lulu_

_Dillon + Sage_

_Kristina + Ethan_

_++ OLDER COUPLES LIST ++_

_Luke / Laura_

_Scott / Lucy_

_Sonny / Olivia_

_Jason / Liz/Ric - Jason/Liz wins out however.._

_Sam / Lucky/ Silas - Lucky/Sam win out however.._

_Alexis / Julian_

_These are the__** ONLY**__ couples that will be in the story, and they won't be in all that much. Sorry if that makes anybody mad, but this story is about my oc, her lover and her family, her life as it is now, at 22, caught between Jason / Liz and Sam / Lucky._ _So, here it goes.._

* * *

_Oh yeah, a little bit of basic information on Lila, since she's an original character, technically:_

_Full Name: Lila Alexis Morgan_

_Nicknames: Lila, Lil Bit, Tiny_

_Age: 22_

_Occupation: is going to PCU, is interning at Crimson, Kate's fashion magazine, also. Majoring in Design with double minors in History and Abnormal Psych. Wants to be an investigative reporter or a fashion designer when she's done with college._

_Looks:_ _(When I picture her, I picture her as Victoria Justice with bright blue eyes instead of brown ones)_ _Has a mole below her left eye_ _Stands about 5'3, weighs about 130 lbs, maybe less._ _Typically dresses slightly girly with sort of a grungy vibe to it, loves wearing heavy soled engineer boots and little sundresses, loves wearing jeans and sexy tops with stilettos. She loves makeup shoes and clothes and she's obsessed with collecting lingerie._

_Personality:_ _is really blunt and outspoken, can be a bit of a handful at times, is very dry humored, loves to read and loves learning, could spend hours by herself, she prefers it sometimes, is really competitive, isn't a fan of surprises or crowds, has a quick temper, thinks well when she's in serious shit, is very curious, likes to flirt but tries to keep guys and relationships at arms length, creative, loves to spend time with her family, loves her little brother Danny and her other little brother Jake to pieces.._ _She's very stubborn and she can get jealous from time to time. If she doesn't like something someone tells her, she won't listen to it or follow it. She's not good at handling romantic relationships because she's constantly scared of messing up or being hurt. She's a huge neatfreak. She's a bit mischevious from time to time, and she pretty much does whatever she feels.. Sometimes that gets her into serious trouble. Gets mouthy when she gets nervous or scared. Won't back down from a fight or a challenge._

_Favorite things:_

_Loves romance novels and romantic movies. But she wouldn't ever admit it. _

_She also loves reading the newspaper, and several scientific journals, paranormal journals._

_Loves sleeping late and staying up almost all night. She can literally run on little to no sleep without it knowingly affecting her._

_Loves the colors red and black._

_Loves makeup, shoes and clothes. She collects lingerie._

_Loves rainstorms and bad weather._

_Loves motorcycles, rides them with Jason every now and then._

_Loves horror movies._

_Loves classic rock music, hard rock music, and oldies music._

_Loves to dance, especially good at swing dancing and salsa dancing._

_Spaghetti is her favorite food._ _Her favorite comfort food, however, is a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream._

_Favorite alcoholic drink is jello shots with Bacardi Rum and usually apricot or strawberry jello._ _Favorite non alcholic drink is green tea, flavor infused water, or sweet tea._

_Loves animals, loves to help out at an animal shelter, plays with the strays._

_Least Favorite Things:_ _Having hair ruffled or fluffed_

_Being stuck in the same room as Lulu or Sage for longer than 5 minutes_

_Having to give speeches_

_Blind dates_

_Bitter chocolate_

_Spiders_

_Snakes_

_Having to wear her glasses, they constantly slide down her nose or fall off her face._

_Being snuck up on_

_Does not like chili._

_Being clumsy._

_Being proven wrong._

_Being argued with or talked into or out of something._

_Bad Habits/Nervous Quirks:_ _Smokes secretly_ _Can't handle alcohol well_ _bites nails_ _swears profusely when angry_ _babbles when she's nervous_ _fidgets with hair and fingers when nervous_ _bites lip when nervous, in deep thought or angry._ _Losing things_ _Forgetting times & dates or plans she's made. She's hardly ever on time for anything._

* * *

OKAY, SO HERE IT GOES, WISH ME LUCK GUYS.. REMEMBER, THIS IS A LUSAM/LIASON/OC+? FIC, SO IT'S PRIMARILY ABOUT THOSE COUPLES AND THEIR LIVES, THE DAVIS FAMILY, OTHER KEY PLAYERS IN THEIR STORIES.

ALSO, PICK A GUY FROM THE ONES LISTED ABOVE, **PLEASE**? I'M SORT OF TORN BETWEEN THE LIST I MADE.


	2. No, This Is Not A Dream This Is Your Lif

CHAPTER ONE

_NO, THIS IS NOT JUST A DREAM, THIS IS YOUR LIFE_

Sam woke up to the sunlight streaming through her bedroom window and rolled over, looking at the empty spot in the bed next to her.. Where Silas should have still been sleeping. Instead, she found a pair of jeans laying rumpled on the bed, a badge, and a white button front long sleeve shirt.

She raised a brow and bit her lower lip as the alarm clock began finally going off right as the door to her bedroom, the one leading from her bathroom, and to her shock, Lucky stood there, towel draped around his hips, his hair damp from a shower.

She blinked for a moment, then looked at him, not sure what to say.. Because last night, she'd fallen asleep in Silas Clay's arms after they'd put Danny in his crib.

"Are you okay, Sam?" Lucky asked as Sam stared at him a moment, then pinched herself hard. Exra hard. So hard that she yelped out in pain. "What are you... Why are you here?" Sam asked as Lucky looked at her, brow furrowed in concern.

" Because, Sam, I live here, babe.. And so do you.. We're kind of married, remember?" Lucky answered casually, while concerned. The night before, she'd been on a case, she'd fallen off of the docks and hit her head pretty hard, it'd actually knocked her out for a few minutes. She'd said she was fine, so he hadn't pushed her.

Should he have taken her to a doctor?

Did she have a concussion last night?

Sam mulled over what he said, and she was about to ask him what kind of joke this was, when the door to her bedroom opened and a 22 year old girl with long dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes stepped in, holding a 4 year old little boy..

Danny.. Her son.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Lila asked in concern as she studied her mother with her hand in her thick brown hair, biting her lower lip nervously. It'd scared her that her mom fell off the docks and hit her head, that it'd knocked her out or something, but last night, her mom assured them all she was fine before going to bed.

Lucky, her st epfather, he tried his best to get her stubborn mother to go to the ER and at least get checked over, but she'd insisted that she was fine.

And then went to sleep.

"L-lila?" Sam stammered, now confused more than anything, worried. What the hell happened overnight? She woke up in some kind of weird time warp, one where her daughter was alive and healthy, her son was somehow aged magically overnight and resembled Lucky rather than Jason, and she was married to Lucky, the second greatest love of her life.. The one who she sometimes wished secretly, (until this morning, apparently) that she hadn't let get away, that she'd fought for him, for them and what they might have had.

"Yeah, Mom.. Who else would it be?" Lila asked, brows raised as she looked at her stepfather who shrugged and said "I'm taking you to the doctor, Sam."

"No.. No need, I'm fine.." Sam stammered.

Maybe this was some kind of bizarre lucid dream?

If it was, she didn't really want to wake up from it.. Even though it still hurt like hell, Jason being dead.. And it was almost her ideal scenario..

Maybe something awful had happened to her, she'd died in her sleep or something, and this was one of those bizarre "What you could have had" moments in the afterlife or something.

Why wasn't she with Jason though?

_'Because, Sam, deep down, you **missed **Lucky. You've been missing Lucky, for a while now, actually. As much as you love Jason, you loved Lucky just a little more, maybe. But you messed that up. Just ride this out. See what happens..' _

With her mind made up, she laughed aloud and said to her family, "Mom's fine, guys.. Just had a really, really weird dream." and proceeded to get up from the bed, Lucky eying her with concern as he asked "Are you sure you're okay, babe? I can call in, I can let Dante take my shift today.. I mean all the cases I was on are closed or they're damn near completed. I deserve a day off and there's nothing I'd rather do, babe, than spend it lying around here with you.. "

Danny ran over to his mommy and tugged her silky pajama bottoms as he looked up and said "I bathe my turtle."

"No, chief, you stuck your turtle in the toilet. Again." Lila laughed as she picked up her brother, eyed her mother in curiousity. Her mom wasn't fooling her, in fact, she was kind of scared for her right now.. She looked lost and confused.

"I'm fine, Lila." Sam said, trying to reassure her daughter. Lila nodded and then said quietly, "Yeah." as she turned to walk out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

"How fucking hard did she hit her head last night? Because when she saw me, she looked like she'd seen a ghost." Lila wondered aloud as Danny poked her and asked "Mama otay?"

"Mhmm.. Sometimes, chief, we have bad dreams.. And when we wake up, especially in a hurry, it confuses us." Lila tried to explain as Lucky took her brother and said "Sis is right. Let's get you ready for kindegarten."

"I wanna wears my Iron Man shirt."

"It's dirty, chief." Lucky said as he looked at his son and then asked "How about this one? The one with the monster trucks on it?"

That was met with a miniature of the trademark Spencer scowl as he said "Uh uh.. I gotta looks good."

"Oh really?"

"Mhmm, cause Emma pretty."

Lucky groaned, shook his head as he dug around and finally found their son a halfway decent pair of jeans that weren't holey or smudged or had rocks in the pockets. "You have got to stop hiding your dirty clothes, chief."

"They smells good. Makes me smell like a man." Danny laughed as Lucky groaned and shook his head, then called out down the hallway, "Lila, are you even close to done in the bathroom?"

"Stupid question, Daddy L." Lila answered through the door, water running as Lucky groaned and shook his head then said to Danny, "Yes, chief, it always takes girls this long to get ready. That will never change." as the bathroom door opened and Lila walked out, dressed, damp hair. She stopped to poke her tongue out at her stepfather and say "And for the record, Detective.. Only took me 10 minutes to shower, shave my legs and put on my makeup."

"That you didn't need to begin with. " Lucky pointed out, the comment falling on deaf ears as Lila walked into the kitchen, made herself a strawberry jam and toast sandwich, grabbed an orange juice pouch from the fridge and announced "So.. Today is the day."

"You'll get it, Lil." Lucky said as he hugged his stepdaughter.

Sam looked at Lila and asked "For what?" as Lila gave her mother a look and explained "The internship.. At Crimson.. I've only been trying to work for Kate's magazine since 9th grade, remember? So I can build experience, maybe work for a major newspaper or something later.." studying her mother intently.

"Oh." Sam muttered, filing that information away for another lucid dream. So far, this one was proving to be interesting to say the least.

"I know, Mom, you wanted me to be a doctor or something.. That fashion is just an interest and reporters don't really make a good living, not to mention what they do is really, really dangerous sometimes." Lila said quietly as Sam studied her. She got the distinct feeling that in this dream reality she'd created and was now living out (or dying, rather, and this was just her brain fighting for dear life, literally) that she and Lila probably butted heads a lot about the choice in majors.

The thought shocked her.. Lila was 22...

How much of her life had she 'dreamt' and forgotten?

She thought about it quietly as Lila watched her mother, concerned, biting her lower lip. Something was definitely off about her mother today, and it was now beyond scaring her.

"No, actually, I think it's amazing that you've got the tenacity to pursue your dream." Sam said finally, not wanting to fight and taint this 'dream reality'.

Because if she woke up, and she found out she was dead or a vegetable or something, leaving Danny to fend for himself..

Either way, she wanted everything to remain calm, no negative vibes.

Lila choked on her orange juice and stopped digging through her purse for whatever she'd been looking for as Lucky's gaze also shifted to Sam. He'd actually heard their arguments about Lila's potential career choice time and time again.

And he'd never tried to really get involved, because Sam might have gotten mad if he told her that he saw no harm in his stepdaughter wanting to be a reporter, wanting to be a fashion designer or something. He figured that sooner or later, she'd settle down and pick a real job, a real major or something, he was just happy she was going to college, that she hadn't just settled down with some guy and gotten married right off the bat like his sister had with Dante.

"Huh?" Lila gaped as Sam said quietly, "You'll get it. I believe in you.. You're my baby girl, if you want something, you can make it happen."

Lila hugged her mother tightly then palmed her forehead and said "Crap... And I'm late. Again. Love you guys, you're the best. Danny, try not to paint the other kids green today, huh?" as she hugged them all, gave her brother a kiss and ran out of the apartment.

She slid to a stop at the elevator and pushed the down button, grumbling as she tapped her stiletto encased foot against the stone flooring of the apartment building, looked at her watch and then at the doors.

The doors slid open and she scowled as she saw Lulu stepping off with her baby and Dante.

"Hi."

"Hi." Lila said calmly, studying Lulu with about as much interest as one would study a leper. Lulu glared at her and then said casually, "Heard Logan's coming back. His tour of duty is up. And Maxie said that Coop's already told him he had to come back here, Scott's driving him batshit crazy asking questions about how Logan's doing."

"So that means you'll be serving poor Dante with divorce papers I suppose?" Lila asked icily as she bit her lower lip, tried not to let Lulu's stealing her former boyfriend, the guy she loved more than anything get to her.

What really pissed her off though, is not only did Lulu steal Logan from her back then, she ruined him for anybody else.

Including her, his best friend since they were probably around 5 and met officially.

Then after she ruined him and crushed his heart, he left town, went off to do another tour of active duty.. Which turned into another, and then another.. The letters to Lila, that'd been scarce before, stopped completely and Lila, for the most part, had put that part of her life behind her.

Naturally, Jason, her father, was only too thrilled when she had.

Lulu glared at her then looked at Dante with an apologetic shrug as she mouthed "I did try, you saw me." and then said aloud "No, actually, I won't. Because I love Dante."

"You loved everyone else too." Lila muttered as she said "I'd watch my back if I were you, Dante." before stepping off the elevator. Dante chuckled aloud and said to Lulu, "Holds a grudge for a long time, doesn't she?"

"Well, considering I did hurt her cousin Dillon, I did take Logan from her and then cause him to leave town, then all that stuff between Maxie and I lately.. I don't blame her, actually.. But I want to fix things. She was my best friend when we were little, I was almost like a big sister to her."

"I know, babe. And she'll come around, you just have to keep trying."

"Highly unlikely, she's hated me for so long now, I don't think she's even willing to try not hating me anymore." Lulu said quietly as she stared at the elevator's doors.

Outside the elevator, Lila grumbled as she dug around in her purse for her keys and her ringing cell phone. Maxie asked her from behind, "So.. Today's the day? Are you sure you want to work for Kate? She's a shrew."

"I want to be a reporter, Maxie, and working for Crimson opens doors. I can finally get the hell out of this town." Lila said quietly as she asked Maxie after looking around, "Is it true? Is Logan coming back?"

"Yeah."

"Lulu told me on the elevaor. And I told her off. I'm done with it, honestly." Lila said as Maxie and Georgie, who showed up a few moments later, carrying her daughter with Spinelli, both coughed and covered the word "Bullshit."

"Girls? He had his chance. And he messed it up by choosing her over me. I mean I practically offered to myself to him. He chose Lulu." Lila stated simply as she looked through her purse again, finally found her keys.

Georgie laughed and hugging her longtime best friend she said casually, "So.. Sage and Dillon are having a thing.. And they're inviting all of us."

"Including she who shalt not be named?" Lila asked as georgie and maxie groaned, exchanged looks. Maxie said bossily, "You are going. If I have to drag you there myself. This is all old, it's water under the bridge. You're both our friends, Lil."

"Yeah, but see, I don't really like Sage, either."

"I know, but Dillon's your cousin.. So like it or not, you should go." Georgie insisted as Lila said quietly, "Fine. Who else is gonna be there?"

"Johnny, Brooklyn, Diego, Nathan, Dante, Me and Coop, Georgie and Spin.. Pretty much all of us. And we hardly ever get to do anything where we're all together at the same time, girl." Maxie pouted as Lila thought about it a moment and then said quietly, "Yeah.. I'm gonna go to it. Where's it at?"

"The mansion."

"Fucking hell.. Ughh, seriously? My own father doesn't even visit there, for good reason." Lila whined as Georgie playfully smacked her friend's upper arm and said "The sooner you let everything go, the better everything will feel." while making big begging eyes at her.

"Do you see your mommy, duchess?" Lila asked her goddaughter who cooed and tugged at her chandelier earring, looking up at her.

"If it weren't for you guys and my family, I'd probably have bailed the second I got my diploma." Lila admitted thoughtfully as Maxie shook her head and said "You can't. We had a plan, remember, bitch? WE're all going to get married, buy houses on the same street and do stupid boring stuff like throw barbecues. And you are the only one of us not taken."

"Uh uh.. Brooklyn, duh?"

"Brooklyn... Is a whore." Maxie whispered as she covered her son's ears. Lila giggled and nodded then said "Seriously though.. I wanna live first.. I mean.. What fun is having a plan? Why not just let things happen?"

"And it will. And when it does, we're totally going to go overboard with the I Told You So" Georgie and Maxie echoed as Lila waved them off and walked out to the parking garage, finding her car, getting into it.

–

* * *

Somehow, Sam managed to make Lucky change his mind about taking her to the ER, and after convincing him she'd stay home from work, recover from the night before, she found herself totally alone in the house. Which she decided, wasn't a bad thing..

She was obviously not waking up from whatever the hell this was anytime soon, and she found herself increasingly curious about what this 'life' she'd woken up to was about.. What had happened, what hadn't.

She started by going through the photo albums, scowling when she saw a few pictures of Jason and Liz together, then smiling a little when she saw a few pictures of herself and Jason, obviously happy, obviously enjoying each other and being parents to a little girl.

She curled up onto the couch in her pajamas and looked through every single photo album that she'd found in her search of the apartment. By about lunchtime, she'd basically pieced together a timeline that she thought was 'accurate' for her 'alternate universe'.

Apparently, something happened to split Sam and Jason up, that she had no clue what could have happened, and around the same time, Liz and Lucky split up. Liz and Jason had an affair, she and Lucky did the same. Liz became pregnant with Jake and she had Danny.

"What happened to us?" she mused aloud as she looked at an old picture of herself and Jason together, bit her lower lip.

Her phone ringing had her stopping, and she picked it up, got involved in a conversation with her mother, who was apparently married to her real father, Julian, in this alternate life.

And apparently, her sister Kristina was engaged to Ethan Lovett.

"what the hell happened to me?" she mumbled as she hung up the phone, wandered around the apartment, snooping through rooms, taking in every little bit of information she could possibly store. This was her dream, she reasoned, so she had every right to do that very thing.

Peeking into her daughter's room last, she stepped in and started to go through it, wondering what she might learn about the daughter she thought lost to her until she woke up this morning on the wrong side of the universe apparently, and found Lila alive and well.

Maybe not totally happy, but alive and healthy and relatively normal.

She snooped around, feeling bad because she felt like she was invading her daughter's privacy, but then she reminded herself that this had to be some kind of weird dream, and technically, Lila was in her d ream, so she'd done it first.

The reasoning alone had her head aching a little.

She found a journal and a photo fluttered out.. A photo taken of Logan, Lila, Lulu and Dillon, it looked like a high school picture.

She laughed at the way they were all posed and smiling, she noticed Lila sat on Logan's lap and Logan had his lips next to her ear. "Are they together?" she wondered aloud, wondering why of all the younger males in Port Charles, her subconscious would pair her 'dream daughter' with Logan Hayes.

Then she found a journal shoved into the desk's lockable drawer, after finding the key hanging from a charm bracelet.. She flopped onto the bed and began to read, gaping at the raw honesty in her daughter's words and emotions, felt a surge of pride with each page of triumph, felt her stomach churning in anger and sadness with each sad entry.

She closed the book and looked at it a few moments, muttered aloud "So she's not with Logan.. Is she with anybody, I wonder?"

She wasn't sure why, but she wanted to know everything she might have dreamt on another occasion and forgotten, or 'missed', subconsciously. That included the things that might upset her.

She dug through drawer after drawer of her daughter's clothing, gaping at some, smiling at other things and then she put the room back exactly as she'd found it.  
Then she moved down the hallway into what appeared to be a home office or something, it looked decidely masculine, so she figured that Lucky had to use this room to work on cases at home. She started looking around, reading old letters, looking at old photographs of them with Danny and Lila, a few with Jason standing in the background, usually if it were a birthday party for Lila.

By 4 pm, she'd essentially figured out everything that she needed to know.. And she'd started finding things she wanted to 'fix', things that bothered her.

And then at 6, the door was knocked on, and she pulled it open, Silas stood on the other side, looking around, then at her. He came into the door and pulled her into his arms... she jumped back, shocked and now thouroughly confused.

What the hell **was** going on?

"I wanted to make sure you were fine." Silas said as he stepped into the apartment. She studied him a moment and then asked him "Why are you here?"

"Because, Sam, I always come by before I go back to my place. Before Lucky's home."

Her stomach churned and she added another item to her list of things to 'fix' about her dream so far.. Figure out what the hell would make her blow another chance at happiness with Lucky, with Dr. Clay..

Or was this, his making an appearance in her dream, just because he was with her, in reality?

She was really, really beginning to get one hell of a migraine.

–

* * *

Lila took a few deep breaths as she sat down on the other side of Connie's desk. The nameplate still said Kate Howard, but everybody in town knew the deal.. Kate apparently had DID and apparently, when she 'merged' she chose to become Connie.

Lila counted herself lucky for this, because if not for her choosing to become Connie, Kate might not have ever given her a second look for the internship. She wasn't "Crimson" enough or something, that'd been the first excuse, the last time she'd tried to apply for the internship.

Connie, however, was the more loose of Kate's personas and she seemed to be a warm and friendly person. She seemed to listen intently to Lila as she spoke, then she looked at her a few moments and said with a smile, "You start on Monday. If you can keep churning out articles like the one you submitte dto me? You're gonna go really far, girl." while dismissively waving her out.

Lila stood outside the office and jumped up and down in triumph. "It's finally going to happen! I'll finally get started on my life."

She texted Maxie and Georgie, then walked down the corridor and pushed down on the elevator. From behind her, she heard her grandfather Julian. She grumbled to herself, but remembered she'd promised her mother she'd at least give the guy half a chance.

"And how are you today?" Julian asked her. She smiled and then said with a shrug, "Pretty good. Got nothing to complain about.. Got the internship I've been dying for.." as the man smiled, ruffled her hair. She bit back a scowl and then said in a hurry, "I'm gonna.. I promised I'd meet Maxie and Georgie.. They finally got a sitter. We're having drinks or something."

"Don't overdo it." Julian called out as she gave him a strange look then pushed down on the elevator, stepped on as soon as the doors slid open.

"Something about that guy rubs me all sorts of wrong." she muttered mostly to herself as she leaned back against the smooth metal walls of the lift, reading texts and tweets from her friends, tweeting to Sage that she was 'reluctantly agreeing' to rsvp for the party Sage and Dillon were throwing at the mansion.

And then she groaned when Sage tweeted back, "It's a black tie plus one thing."

"Figures." Lila grumbled as she shoved the phone into her pocket and focused on the good parts of her day. So far, she really had nothing to complain about.

Why then, did everything finally falling into place for her, make her feel really empty and a little lonely? She scowled about it as she rode on the elevator, stepped out in the lobby of the building. The first thing she did was run into the dining area, she knew her father was there, waiting.

They tried to eat lunch together a few times a week.  
"Well?" Jason asked his daughter as Lila slid into the chair across from him and pretended to pout for a moment, making him sigh and shake his head, ask her "You okay?"

"I got it, Daddy.. The internship is mine, I start on Monday." Lila said finally, barely hiding a grin, hugging her father. Jason smiled and then said "That's good.. I told you you'd get it, didn't I?"

"Mhmm." she muttered, closing her eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of her father's cologne, the old leather jacket as she smiled a genuine and bright smile.

"So... Ice cream sundaes?" he asked as he shoved out a huge ice cream sundae in front of her. She kissed his cheeks and laughed, thanking him. He smiled and shrugging said "I figured we could use a little father daughter time."

"Thanks. I'm glad you decided that.. Today's been one of those days, Dad." Lila admitted, sighing as she did so. Jason studied her a few moments and asked in concern, "What's wrong?" which made Lila grumble and then say" Had a run in with Lulu." which made Jason nod in understanding, not ask any further questions. He knew his daughter like the back of his hand, they talked about almost everything. Sometimes he thought that he and Lila might just be closer than Lila and Sam were. But she was his little girl, so yes, he did know what was going on in her life at any given moment.

"Yeah.. And then Sage and Dillon have that engagement party at the mansion.. And it's like everybody's settling? I feel kinda left out." Lila admitted as she spooned ice cream into her mouth and said quietly, "I mean not that it bothers me."

"I know what you mean, lil bit." Jason said as she nodded, ate her ice cream quietly. After a few more moments, she hugged her father and stood, walking out of the Metro Court's dining area, almost colliding with Nathan, her blind date from the night before in the process. He chuckled, steadied her and asked "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just ate ice cream with my father, now I'm on my way home. About last night.. I'm sorry, I just.. I don't really do the whole blind date thing. I can't believe Maxie and Georgie sprung that on me and on you. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Nathan asked as he studied her in mild amusement. She shrugged and then said quietly, "Because, I know it was the blind date from hell." with an embarassed laugh as she looked up at him, twisted a strand of her long dark hair around her fingertips, biting her lower lip. He shook his head and laughing admitted "I actually had a good time." before having to answer his ringing cell phone and hurrying back into the station, having gotten a call out to a crime scene.

She stood there, watching him walk away, her hand in her hair as she shook her head, still a little embarassed with herself for the night before. She could have at least tried harder. He wasn't a bad guy, and he was pretty damn hot..


	3. Talks

CHAPTER TWO

_Confusing, Chaotic, Real Life_

She stood in the doorway of her mom's apartment, watching her mom with a concerned look as Sam rushed around the kitchen, obviously flustered, obviously upset about something. She stepped in the doorway and cleared her throat, then set to work helping her mom with the cooking, finally asking her, "Are you sure you're alright, Mom?"

Sam stopped washing dishes as she thought to herself _'No, I just realized that I'm trapped in a dream that I'd die to actually be living, and obviously my subconscious can't even do simple, no, that has to be complicated too. I've just found out that my second chance is tainted by an affair.' _but answered quietly instead saying "Yeah, just realized everyone was on their way home and I had nothing cooked."

Lila gaped at her mother a moment and then felt her forehead, laughing. "Mom, you normally don't cook on weeknights.. Daddy L usually does because he can cook and he's usually home ." as Sam nodded and said with a shrug, "Yeah well I wanted to surprise him. So I'm trying. Give me a hand with that roast?"

Lila opened the oven, fanning the smoke that billowed out, turning to her mom to ask "What'd you have the oven on, Mom?"

'Broil at 450 degrees." Sam muttered sheepishly as Lila grumbled and groaned, shaking her head, trying not to burst into laughter before pointing out "That's good.. I mean if you wanna blacken the damn thing, Mom." before taking a sip of the bottled water she'd gotten out of the fridge.

"How was your interview?"

"I got the internship." Lila said as she sipped her water, watched her mom carefully, wondering what was up with her today, if she were seriously okay, or if the blow to the head the night before had knocked something loose.

"That's great baby girl!" Sam said with a bright smile, hugging her daughter. Lila looked at her mother, brow still raised, still not sure how to handle her mother being happy for her internship, her career choice. She'd figured she'd hear a lecture tonight, that her mom just hadn't felt like fighting earlier. Lila smiled a little, hugged her mom and said quietly, "Stopped to see dad. We had an ice cream sundae and talked. He said that Jake's birthday party is this weekend."

"That's good.. How is he?" Sam asked, looking at her daughter who smiled and said "He's doing good. Liz is all over him though, he did almost die recently, that attempt to shoot him at the docks. I mean if uncle Sonny hadn't come out when he did.."

"I know." Sam said as she thought to herself, _'God I wish this were real.. Even if Jason and I weren't going to work, at least I'd know he was alive in my real life.' _and sipped her own glass of tea, looking at Lila who was looking at the news, grumbling as she shook her head.

"What's w rong?"

"Grandfather, ughh.. I swear to God, something about that man just sits wrong with me, Mom.. I know you told me to try with him because of Grandma, but he's so.. He's slimy." Lila admitted as she nodded to the set in the next room and said "Ran into him earlier, by the way."

"You were nice, right?" Sam asked because she felt like she ought to, not because she necessarily agreed with what her 'dream self' thought.

"Of course. Then I practically bolted and got onto an elevator." Lila said quietly as she sipped her water and then asked quietly, "Mom.. You're not still seeing that doctor.. Right?"

"Nope.. Ended that earlier." Sam said calmly, smiling at Lila who smiled brightly and then said "Daddy L was having a hard time.. I told you, people go through hard times. He had to watch us all going and coming, he couldn't do anything because that gunshot wound, he'd almost died..."

Sam felt her conscience eating at her as she thought to herself _'Oh trust me.. I know.. The addiction was scary for me. And knowing I have a chance to see what might have been, in my 'dream life', yeah, you're damn right I ended things with Silas. This feels.. It feels better.'_

Again she kept quiet, asking Lila, "What happened with you and Logan?"

"You already know, Mom. Lulu Spencer happened. I mean I told him I loved him, finally, that I knew he was it for me, he goes and breaks up with me for Lulu before I even get the words out of my mouth good enough. He got sick of waiting. But it's okay.. Why'd you ask me about him?" Lila wondered as she looked at her mother who shrugged and said with a soft smile, "I was just worried. I just.. I don't feel as close to you as I thought we'd be."

Lila dropped her gaze and said quietly, "We are, I just.. Sometimes I wonder why you and dad didn't last, and I'm always busy. I didn't know it bothered you." while looking up at her mother.

"It does." Sam admitted as she added, "We should make time to talk to each other. I never actually got to talk to my mom and for a while there, after I found her.."

Lila nodded and said quietly, "I know, Mom. You and Grandma didn't get along well at all." while taking a sip of her water, biting her lower lip as she stared out the window of the dining room in their apartment. "So.. Dillon's marrying Sage."

Sam blinked, shocked. Then she realized that the TMK murders actually never happened in this dream for whatever reason. "Why?"

"Because, Mom, they've been dating since 9th grade, remember? Since he and Georgie broke up just before Homecoming and Georgie went with Spinelli." Lila stated as she stood and stretched then said "I'd beg off, but Dillon's family and I kinda got roped into going by Maxie and Georgie. The shitty thing is that it's a plus one black tie thing."

Sam shivered a moment and then said "Maybe you shouldn't go."

"Mom, I promised. Besides, I'll be fine. And the plus one is not obligatory, so I can go alone."

Sam eyed her daughter and then said quietly " If you need me though.."

"I'll call, Mom, I swear." Lila said quietly as she finished up her bottled water, tossing it into the garbage bin near the sink. She stood there a moment and then said quietly, "Sorry about lately, Mom, all the fighting. I just... I've been feeling like lately, if I don't get out of Port Charles, get away for a while, I'm never gonna do anything I've always wanted to do. And then there's the fact that apparently, there is something in the water now and everyone I knew is either married, getting married, or having kids."

"And you feel left out." Sam ventured, Lila nodded and said "But I don't wanna just settle.. I mean I want the real thing, not just whatever's convienent."

"Maybe the real thing wasn't with Logan.. I mean if that's why you're reluctant." Sam mused as Lila looked at her a moment and then said with a simple shrug, "Maybe it wasn't." in a thoughtful tone of voice before hugging her mom and then saying with a light laugh, "I'm gonna go. It's girls night and Maxie and Georgie finally have a sitter."

"And you're never on time for anything." Sam finished as Lila nodded then pretended to pout as she pointed out "Not always, Mom."

Lila walked out of the room leaving Sam standing at the sink to rehash her 'breakup' with Silas earlier, what she'd told him.

She rubbed her forehead and then took a few deep breaths, the whole thing from earlier, her conversation just now with her daughter Lila repeating in her mind.

* * *

Lila slid onto the barstool in the front of the front bar at Jake's, hailed a bartender, asked him to pour her a shot. Coleman gave her a look and she grumbled, then took out her ID and showed it to him, as usual, adding with a slightly teasing grin, "See? I'm all legal now."

He sat her shot down in front of her and then asked "So.. The usual tonight? Or are we drinking alone?" as Lila looked around and said quietly, "Maxie and Georgie are supposed to be coming shortly.. But things happen.. Either way, tonight, Coleman, I'm gonna celebrate."

"Ooh, sounds good, hon.. What are we celebratin?" Coleman asked as Lila said "Me finally getting my own life, getting away from this town eventually." in a thoughtful tone of voice. Coleman stared at her with a raised brow then asked "Thought you were gonna live here your whole life.. That's all you used to say when you were little and you came in with your daddy to shoot pool in my back room."

"I thought so too, I just.. I need to get away.. Even if it's only for a little while. Things just.. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, like I don't know who I am or who I wanna be anymore." Lila muttered solemnly as she took a huge sip of the amber liquid in her shot glass and then hailed him to bring her another.

From beside her, Johnny spoke up, teasing grin on his face as he asked with a shocked look in his eyes, "Lila?"

"Yes, Jon, it's me." Lila said quietly, turning to look at her former boyfriend, managing a smile as she said "I didn't think you'd come back anytime soon."

"Didn't think you'd still be here, either." Johnny said as he asked her "How are you?"

"Doing good. Just about to start an internship with Crimson, actually. I'm going to PCU and I've got a major, three minors." Lila admitted as Johnny smiled, nodded knowingly, said casually, "That's my girl.. Always overambitious."

"Not overambitious, I just think you need at least three good fallback plans. Life has a tendency to go to shit in a heartbeat." Lila remarked as she sipped some more whiskey, eying the door to the bar, watching for Maxie and Georgie. "Lulu's married."

Johnny shrugged and said mostly to himself, "Actually, Lila, she's not the one I missed while I was gone." before looking at her intently, moving to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear as he dismissively said "It was buggin me."

She nodded, sipped more alcohol and then kept herself from asking who he missed. It was probably Brooklyn or Maxie, someone like that. Not her, because they hadn't really dated long, and she'd kind of thought that when they broke up and he left for a while, that was the end.

Johnny studied an older and quieter Lila, wondering what was wrong with her tonight. He could just sort of tell something was on her mind, and it was bugging him that he couldn't read her like a book like he used to be able to.

She'd been one of very few to actually get close to him out of the girls he'd dated during high school and college.

Then his father, or grandfather's health went downhill and his mother died, so he moved to Italy, took a long time away from everything and everyone.

But even the distance didn't really make him stop thinking about Lila.

And curiousity was what made him come back when he'd gotten the invite from Sage and Dillon in the mail. He wanted to see her again, he had to find out if she were still around.

If he'd thought about her for so long for a reason or something.

He knew that Logan hurt her really bad, and he also knew that he probably had too.

Lila's cell phone rang and she grumbled as she realized that both Maxie and Georgie were being forced to cancel their girls night. Putting her phone back into the clutch purse, she sighed and leaned on the bar, propping her chin on her hands, looking around the bar intently.

"Your friends not coming?" he asked as she nodded and said quietly, "They had to stay home.. Georgie's sitter cancelled and Maxie's son is sick and she won't leave him. Don't blame her. Just.. It feels weird?" she muttered as she raked her hand through her hair as someone put an older Aerosmith song on the jukebox. Johnny stood and held out his hand, said with a shrug, "Maybe I'm a better dancer than I was in 8th grade, huh?"

"Maybe.. Are you asking me to dance? I mean nobody else is dancing..." Lila mumbled, looking at him, finally agreeing, laughing as she said "Just one dance, Zacarra."

"We'll see." Johnny muttered as the song continued to play and he crushed her against him.

Outside of Jakes, Logan stood in the rain, peering into the window of the bar, glaring at Johnny Zacarra in anger. He'd come back to fix things with Lila, and now, he was seeing her dancing with Johnny in Jakes.. Earlier, he'd overheard some of the guys at the station talking about her having went out on a blind date with Nathan West, a new detective on the force.

"Not gonna happen." he muttered calmly as he turned, walked back to his truck and got in, driving to his old apartment.

He'd come back for her.. Because he wanted to see if he'd made a mistake all those years ago, dumping her for Lulu.

Now he was starting to see that if he were going to try to win her back, he was going to really have to work his ass off. Because he might just have come back, come to his senses too little, too late.


	4. Walks & More Talks

CHAPTER THREE

_Walkin After Midnight  
_

"So, do you wanna walk around?" Johnny asked Lila who shrugged and then burped, her hand flying to her mouth as her eyes widened in shock at herself. "Ughh.. Sorry, I just.." as she held up the 6th martini of the night as a way of apology. It was almost 12:30 now, she should've left hours ago, but she and Johnny had been in such a deep conversation that she hadn't really bothered to try and slip out and leave him, even though she knew that her father, Jason, and her stepfather, Lucky would both have massive coronaries if, or when, they found out she was sitting in Jake's, talking to Johnny who was the least favorite of her exes to both the men in question.

"Sure.. But I've gotta be getting back soon, my mom, she worries." Lila admitted as Johnny nodded and said "Especially if she even thinks I'm around. I remember that." his hand resting over the top of her hand, his thumb trailing lazily across her soft skin. "She's not always like that. I mean she did walk in on us making out. And you know how tightly wound she and my grandmother are. It's a Davis trait."

Johnny nodded and stood, hauling her off of the stool, putting her onto his back, running out the doors of the bar with her, Coleman calling out after her, "Better hope your daddies don't see you with that one." and chuckling. Lila stopped laughing as Johnny stood her on her own two feet by the passenger side of a Porsche. "Are you sure you should be driving?"

"I haven't been drinking as much as you, Lila."

"You have drank though. Maybe we should just walk." Lila said as he nodded and said "Where to?" while linking arms with her, steadying her as she giggled and leaned against him a little. The rain started to fall and really pour, he laughed as he said "And typically.. I decide not to take my car, it pours." which made Lila scowl and pout because she was quite certain that her hair was a hot mess and her makeup was streaking now, making her look like a racoon or something. "And typically, I dare to wear makeup, I actually take time to do my hair and the bottom falls out." she grumbled as she slid her stilettos off and carried them in her hands, along with her clutch purse.

Johnny chuckled as he looked at her and said "Those rocks have gotta be hurting your feet."

"I'm good."

"Are not. You're walking like you're walking through glass." Johnny said as he picked her up, carried her. She looked around and then at him, laughed and said " If you wanted to make out with me, Johnny..."

"So you do remember our spot?" he asked, laughing as he raked his hands through his hair, looked at her and licked his lips. It'd definitely been worth coming back, to see her now, like this.

It made him realize just how little he actually wanted his father and his grandfather's life. Just how much he wanted her.

Sam glared as her daughter's phone went to voicemail for about the 6th time that night. She'd gotten worried when Lila didn't come back after midnight, and even more worried when Maxie and Georgie both called to see if Lila made it in, saying that her phone hadn't been on all night. If it had, she might have known that they couldn't get a sitter.

"She always answers her phone."

"But, Sam, she always forgets to charge the damn thing too. Just like you?" Lucky said as he paced a few moments. Knowing Sam was worried worried him, but he knew how Lila was, he knew that she'd probably come in sooner or later, then it would all be fine. The way it always was. The two of them would argue, Lila would probably pout in her room or something, or go to her room, but all would be fine again in a matter of hours, sometimes even minutes.

"True, but.. I mean you heard Kristina earlier. Johnny is back."

"And we both know Lila is an adult, Sam. If she sees him, it's up to her to have the sense to leave the guy alone. If you keep pushing her away from any and all guys in this town, she's going to pick the worst one, just to make you insane.. Like she did with that Logan jerk." Lucky said as Sam took a deep breath and said through gritted teeth, "Not helping, Lucas Spencer Jr."

"It's the truth, Sam."

"I know, baby, but.." Sam said as she trailed off and then said quietly, "Maybe she's okay. If she needed me, she'd call." while wondering to herself _'Would she? Because you've kind of figured out by now, Sam, that in this world, you can't be totally sure of anything.. You thought you had all the answers before waking up to this 'dream' or whatever, turns out, you were all wrong. You know you and Lila haven't been close for a while.' _ while nodding in agreement to what Lucky said. She knew the full story now, the relationship her daughter had with Logan, the one she had with Johnny.

Apparently, like her, her daughter had a thing for the bad guys. But Sam liked to think that maybe she was fixing things with Lucky now, she'd broken things off with Silas and she didn't intend to mess up again.

She just wished there was something she could do to make her daughter see that some guys just weren't good guys and they never would be, no matter what one tried to do to change them.

Just as she was about to go to bed, the door opened and Lila walked in, laughing a little, smiling from ear to ear as she told a guy "Goodbye.. I'll see you tomorrow or something, right?"

The guy, of course, was out in the hallway, so Sam couldn't tell who he was. Lila walked into the kitchen and Sam asked quietly, "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Maybe because it died a few hours ago?" Lila asked as she poured herself a glass of water and sat down at the table, looking at her mother. Her stomach was nervous, she didn't want to fight with her mom tonight, but she was an adult now. Her mom was constantly telling her not to do this or that, this guy wasn't good for her, her job wasn't a real job choice..

She wasn't a baby anymore and it really grated her nerves when her mom treated her like one. Lucky and Jason didn't, Liz didn't either.. But her own mother tried to keep her a baby forever. And sometimes, it really hurt. It made Lila think that her mom thought she wasn't capable of taking care of herself. She sipped her water as she mulled this over and then said aloud "Why don't you trust me to take care of myself?"

"I do." Sam said as she looked at her daughter and said quietly, "I just worry sometimes, and I guess I worry too much. I know it's annoying, but I love you so much and I almost lost..." her voice trailed off as she omitted what she'd been about to say, not wanting to have to explain what was going on to her daughter. She knew that if she just out and out said that she thought she was 'living in a dream world' and wasn't being metaphorical, that might just get her a padded cell.

Because she didn't see anyone thinking she was anything but nutty for having said it. For now, until she figures things she thought it might be safer to not say or do certain things around her family and friends.

Lila looked at her mom and said "Almost lost what?"

"Nothing, I forgot what I was going to say." Sam said hastily as she asked "So, how'd it go tonight?" opting to keep the conversation stress and argument free for tonight. She got this feeling that she and Lila might fight a lot, that might be why things felt so strained with them.

"It went. Maxie and Georgie had to cancel, but I went on and stayed at the bar for a few hours.. Then I saw Johnny and we took a walk. Mom, have you ever seen an ex and wondered why it didn't work?"

_'only on days that end in y, Lila' _she thought as she answered calmly, "Once or twice. But Johnny, Lila, he's not.."

"I knew you'd say something." Lila said as she sighed and then stood and said "Going to bed now. I don't feel like arguing and fighting. And that's probably where this is going to head. I didn't say I wanted to elope with the guy, Mom, I just said that seeing him tonight, talking to him for hours.. It made me wonder what in the hell went wrong with us." as she lingered in the doorway.

Sam sucked in a breath and then said "I never said I was going to disown you, Lila, and I never said Johnny wasn't the guy I saw you with.. That decision is yours. But I just worry, because he left town to take over his grandfather's spot in the Zacarra family organization, Lila.. He chose the mob life over you.. So I was just curious as to why you'd even wonder why things didn't work out?" Sam covered quickly as Lila sighed and said quietly, "I know.. But I let him.. he told me things before he left.. But Logan had me so messed up that I thought he was... Nevermind."

"What?"

"Well, he basically wanted me to give him a reason to stay, to not take his grandfather Anthony's spot. But all I could say was that I didn't know.. That I had plans.." Lila said as she bit her lower lip, stared at the mug in her hands as she sipped her water, wiggled further down into the chair.

"So that's what happened?" Sam asked with a curious expression.. The entry in Lila's journal about her breakup with Johnny had been sort of cryptic, it'd hinted at things.. The entry about her breakup with Logan had been filled with hurt and anger. Now a lot of things Lila said about her breakup with Johnny in the journal made sense.

Especially if Lila had broken it off with him, out of fear, like Sam suspected.

"It's been one hell of a day, Mom. I'm gonna go sleep. I'll take Danny to the park tomorrow so you and Daddy Lucky can spend some alone time together. I'm just so glad you fixed things and ended them with Dr. Clay. The guy was bad news, Mom. He'd have ended you and Daddy Lucky, and that would've made me and Danny sad." Lila said as she hugged her mom, kissing the top of her head. She turned and walked out of the room, into her own room, falling across the bed, falling asleep easily for once.

It felt like the weight of the world was lifted now for some reason or another. Her life was finally falling into place, and her mom finally made a good decision where her own love life was concerned. Because Lila had already went through one divorce, she knew how it'd affect Danny... Her mom's divorce from Jason almost killed her, even if she never told anyone that.

It was one of the biggest reasons she didn't get too serious with guys.. That and the way Logan did her when she'd fallen head over heels for him.


	5. Black Ties & Affairs I

CHAPTER FOUR

_( RUINED YOUR )BLACK TIE AFFAIR  
_

"Who in the hell thought of making this a Gatsby themed engagement party?" Lila wondered as she and Maxie scanned the racks of a local boutique, looking for something that even partially looked like it could've been worn in the 1920's. Maxie shrugged as she held up a red mini dress around the same time that Lila held up a black one.

"Great minds, huh?" Lila mused as Georgie groaned, already seeing the wheels in both of the other girls minds turning. "You two wear whatever you want. You've got the bodies to pull it off. I however, do not. Two little ones, remember?"

"Do not start, Georgie. If you start, I swear to God and all that is holy, I will sit on you, right here in the middle of the store." Lila said as Maxie added with a smirk, "And I'll tickle you until you pee." which made Georgie pout a few moments and then say "But I just.. lately I feel so.. Blegh.. And old. Really, really old. I mean Damien Jr is in kindegarten already and Mariah's starting to walk.."

"We're getting old, Georgie. But that doesn't mean we can't look like three of the sexiest bitches to ever step foot in this town." Lila said as Maxie looked at her and asked "So.. Where's this cockiness coming from? And why do you look like you are floating on a cloud or something?" which made Lila go silent. She knew Maxie didn't exactly like her with Johnny, because Johnny basically just left town without a goodbye, then again, Maxie didn't actually know the whole story, either.

Noone but Lila did.

"Because, Maxie, it looks like for once, my life will finally work itself out." Lila mused mysteriously as she held up the dress again and said "I'm thinking we can totally make these work. We can take the bottoms of the dresses and cut them, make beaded strips out of the bottom of the dress and.." as her voice trailed off when she saw Nathan standing in the window of the boutique on the outside, waving at her, trying to get her to come out.

"And now she's going to ditch us for Officer McHottie." Maxie said with a laugh as Georgie took the dress and gave her best friend a playful shove then said "Go."

"What's he want, I wonder? I mean he sent me orchids out of the blue yesterday.. Even after I royally messed up the date the other night." Lila said as she bit her lower lip. She felt torn right now. Nathan was a really, really sweet (and sexy) guy, but Johnny.. Last night had sort of stirred up feelings she'd shoved to the back of her psyche so as not to let herself hurt because he left her too, even though it was her own fault.

"Okay, alright, I'm going." Lila said as she walked outside the boutique and said "Hi.. How'd you know about the flowers?"

He shrugged mysteriously and then asked casually, "So.. Are you too busy to go out for some food tonight, or..." while holding her gaze. She mulled it over a few moments, wondering if she should say yes or no, then he said "Come on.. The least you can do is give me another chance after you spilled hot soup all over me on our last date." with a mischevious grin which made her laugh and then nod as she said "You do have a point.. No soup this time though." which made him laugh and nod as he said "Fair enough. What about that new italian restaurant that Corinthos just opened?"

"I... Sure. I mean my dad will probably be there, and it'll be awfully awkward, but I've been promising my uncle Sonny I'd stop in and at least try some of the food. No fast moves." she joked with a teasing grin as he grinned back and said "I'll try and behave."

From behind them, a throat cleared and Logan spoke up, said calmly, "Lila.. It's good to see you again." as Lila stared at him a moment, doing her best to hide the hurt in her eyes or the pain she felt at seeing him again, remembering everything that happened between them to end things. "Logan.." she said quietly as she turned her attention back to Nathan abruptly and then said with a smile, "Meet me there at 8?"

"But if it's a date, I'd really rather pick you up." Nathan insisted as Lila said with a smile that was a little smaller now thanks to Logan showing up and causing old wounds to resurface, ruining her moment, "Okay.. Pick me up at Crimson. I'll just change and get ready there."

"So you're workin at Crimson now, darlin?" Logan blurted out as he tried to get his head around just how hurt she'd looked when she saw him and heard his voice again. Just how opposite of the way he'd wanted things to go when they met again.. "Do not call me darlin, Logan. You gave up that right." Lila said quietly but with a firm and slightly bitter tone to her voice as she smiled at Nathan and said "See you tonight.. And those orchids really, really made me smile. But you should probably get your butt back up to the station now, Daddy L can be a hardass when one of his guys is late from lunch. I can't wait for tonight." as she turned on her heels and walked back into the boutique, sliding down onto a bench inside the store, her head in her hand, emotionally drained from having seen Logan again.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, what happened?" Maxie asked as they sat down on either side of her, looking at her for a moment. "Nothing. I just.. I thought I'd be so much better with it, seeing him again.. Now that I have... It just hurts." Lila said quietly as Maxie sighed and Georgie pointed out "Hey, it's his loss. He chose her. Hanging onto all that isn't going to help you."

"It's actually only going to hurt you, Lila." Maxie insisted as she said "He made a mistake."

"And it nearly killed me." Lila said as she sighed and said calmly, "But I'm okay. I will be okay, I mean. Gahh, I'm just confused right now. I saw Johnny last night." as Maxie looked at her and Georgie said "Oh.."

"Yeah. So it's like everything's coming at me at once. Johnny and I talked, we actually went for a walk to the bridge.. And he just seemed so much different.. The same guy but different." Lila admitted as Maxie said "But he left you."

"You guys don't know the whole story. I kinda pushed him away. I was scared of being wrong, being hurt again, so I told him that I didn't love him like he loved me. I mean he had the ring and everything and..." Lila trailed off as Maxie and Georgie exchanged looks and Georgie asked "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because, Georgie, I didn't want you two worrying about me. I knew I wasn't ready then. I still don't know how I feel now. I just know that between Johnny and Nathan, girls, I am irrevocably split right in two. It's like my mom all over again." Lila groaned as she shook her head, disgusted with herself a little. The very thing that she'd condoned with her mother for a while now, the affair that split her mom and dad up, then the one her mom started with Silas while her stepfather was hooked on pills after a work related injury.. It looked like it'd happen to her too.

"Hey.. People make mistakes." Georgie said as Lila nodded and said "I know, I just.. I saw how many people were affected by my mom's mistake. And she hated herself for so long after, she still hates the things that happened back then.. And I always told myself I wasn't gonna do that to anybody, I didn't have it in me to hurt somebody like my dad, Liz and Daddy L and my mom wound up hurting themselves."

"Is she still... I mean with Dr. Clay?" Maxie asked as Lila shook her head and said grimly, "But this is Port Charles, ladies. Eventually, it'll blow up in her face. And I'll have to help her through it. Maybe this time I'll **know** how to help. Not like last time when I just reacted selfishly and totally rebelled against her." as she stood and looked at her two best friend, said casually, "Let's finish shopping now, please? It's exhausting to think about all this."

* * *

Sam paced the living room in their apartment, her hand in her hair as her mind taunted her, almost laughing at her stupidity. Naturally, she'd broken up with Silas, but naturally, she wasn't done with him yet apparently. The EPT in her hand was a clear indication of that very thing. "Shit!" she groaned as Danny giggled from the rug nearby where he was playing with his cars on the floor.

She bit her lower lip and tried to figure out what her next move was. _"I'll just come clean."_ she thought to herself before immediately thinking _"And then I'll lose Lucky again." _and groaning at herself, palming her face in exasperation. She knew she didn't love Dr. Clay now, but somehow, she just didn't exactly see her husband seeing it that way. They'd both had issues with monogamy in their past, and that was how they'd gotten together in the first place, she reminded herself as she picked up the phone to call the one person she knew she could tell this to, the one person she knew would give her good advice, tell her exactly what she needed to do.

She dialed her mother's number and waited, tapping her fingers against the counter in the kitchen of her apartment, her stomach twisting into knots. What the hell was she going to do now? She had the life she'd dreamt of so often in her 'real life' not this 'dream' she seemed to be s tuck in lately, and now it was all at risk...

* * *

Alexis picked up the phone and the first thing she absolutely knew was that Sam was upset. She started to cry almost the second that Alexis picked up the phone. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Mom, I really, really need you. I've really, really messed up this time." Sam stammered as she sucked in a few breaths and looked at her reflection in the mirror of her bathroom, thinking to herself _'No, really screwing up was when this happened the first time. This time, you clearly should've known better, but you were impulsive, you were afraid Lucky was about to leave you and you turned to your best friend in a moment of weakness.' _all while kicking herself for even being stupid enough to have had another affair.

Hadn't she learnt anything from the last time? This had actually been the end of her relationship with both Lucky and Jason before, secrets and indescretions. Right now, more than ever, she was more disgusted with herself than she'd ever been in a long time. She felt like the lowest form of life on the planet. The door to their apartment slammed and she heard Lila calling out "Home Mom." but she kept quiet, then shut the door to the bathroom in her room, locking it.

Meanwhile, Alexis asked her calmly, "What happened, Sam? What have you done that you think is so bad you can't get out of it?" while her own stomach twisted in knots. "I'm pregnant, Mom... And it might not be Lucky's."

"What do you mean might not be Lucky's.. I thought things were better now, I thought the counselling was working.. Sam, talk to me, this second." Alexis demanded as she watched Molly doing her homework, dreading the day Molly got older and managed to get herself into things like this. Maybe by then she'd have enough wisdom to spot it before Molly told her, and she could avert a crisis. As a teen, Molly was already quite headstrong.

Sam, of course, had been a handful and Kristina had been a bit headstrong herself. Of the 3, Kristina seemed to have settled the most, engaged to Ethan Lovett, working at a degree in law, interning at Alexis' law firm.

"Mom, I.. Silas was there for me. And I started to feel things.. But then I realized that what I felt wasn't love and Lucky got better.. I ended things with Silas but... Now I'm pregnant and I'm worried that if I tell Lucky what happened..." Sam said quietly as Alexis sighed and asked "How long did you and Silas have a thing going on the side?"

"Since just after Danny had that health scare and Lucky was still on the pills.. I wanted to stop seeing him, Mom, I tried.. I just.. Is it possible to love more than one person? Because I think I love him.. I mean not as much as I love Lucky.. I've already put Lila through this once and we're barely speaking as a result. What do I do, Mom?"

"Have you taken a real test? In the hospital?" Alexis asked as Sam said quietly, "I am tomorrow."

"When you get the results back then, we need to have a serious talk. How does lunch at the Metro Court Grill sound? Just the two of us?" Alexis asked as Sam took a few deep breaths and said "It sounds good. Mom, I'm afraid. I don't want to lose Lucky, but I know that if I do, I really deserve it. I wish I.. I wish I'd tried harder, not just been weak and fell in with Silas."

"But you also love Silas too." Alexis finished as Sam sighed and dropped her gaze to the EPT in her hand. She hung up with her mom and walked into the kitchen after straightening her face. Lila was already in the kitchen, fixing herself a sandwich. She looked like she had a lot on her mind and Sam asked in concern, "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, Mom.. Just saw Logan today, that's all."

"Oh.. Yeah.. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom. I got over it." Lila lied as she bit her lower lip, concentrated on smearing the mayonnaise on her sandwich. "Are you okay?" she asked finally, noting that her mom looked as if she were about to fall apart too.

"I'm fine.. There's just something I need to do." Sam said quietly, concentrating on the pot of noodles she had boiling, trying not to tear up again. After all, this mess was a mess of her own making.


	6. Black Ties & Affairs II

CHAPTER FIVE

( RUINED YOUR )BLACK TIE AFFAIR II

Johnny saw her when she came in with him, the smug and cocky bastard. He couldn't help the slight jealousy he felt when he saw them sitting at one of the good tables, the kinda tables you normally have to reserve a month or two in advance. He couldn't help but wonder how the guy swung it on a detective's pay.

Or why the guy rubbed him in exactly all the wrong ways. Or why he couldn't help but want to walk over and sit down, steal the date. He'd seen hints of the way things used to be with Lila when they'd been walking around a few nights before. It was enough to make him decide that he hadn't been mistaken when he decided that coming back to Port Charles was worth it, if for nothing more than to fight for the shot he wanted to be with Lila.

Lila felt eyes on her and she looked up covertly, looked around and found herself right in the crosshairs of an intense gaze from Johnny. She bit her lower lip and gave him a soft smile, a wave and tried to get back to her menu before her date noticed it hopefully. She looked over to Nathan and caught him looking around, then at his phone screen, obviously too preoccupied to care what she was doing or who she was looking at when he wasn't looking. Then she reminded herself how silly she was being, that she and Nathan were not a couple. He'd asked her on a date, she'd just said yes. It didn't mean they were going to settle down and get married, have a thousand little children or something.

She coughed at the smoldering look in Johnny's eyes and blushing she mouthed "It's pathetic.. He's not even on the clock, can't stop checking his work phone." sheepishly. He chuckled, she heard it from across the restaurant.

"I'm gonna go to the girls room." Lila said as Nathan nodded, barely looking up. She sighed to herself and made her way to the bathroom, having to pass Johnny's table on the way there. Johnny stood and looked around, fell in behind her stealthily and caught her just before she went into the restroom of the restaurant.  
"Gonna do the whole friend texts to pretend to be sick family member trick again?" he asked as she smiled a little before turning around, shaking her head. "I'm kinda past all that."

"The guy's a jerk though, I mean he brings ya out on a date and he's preoccupied." Johnny insisted as he waved his hands and added with a grin, "Just saying.. I mean if it were me, Lila."

She looked at him a moment and said quietly, "But it isn't." her voice a little strained. Everything in her was insisting, no demanding she ditch the date right now, leave with Johnny. Hell, it wasn't as if Nathan would actually miss her, right?

"We both know why, though." Johnny insisted, looking at her, focusing on her eyes, leaning in. All the signs were there, he was holding nothing back. Anyone who saw them right now would see plainly that he very much considered her 'his girl' and he was going to stop at nothing to fix things, to get over those walls she put up long ago for whatever reason and finally make her see that he loved her.

She was the only reason he was still even trying to be a halfway decent human being. She was the reason he'd given all the mob holdings back to his grandfather's silent partner and come back. She was probably the light in the darkness.

He'd had to leave to find that out but he'd been as miserable as hell when he had.

She didn't look like she'd fared any better either if he dared to admit it. Maybe there was some kind of hope after all.

She bit her lip, her skin heating and almost prickling with an electricity she hadn't felt in a really, really long time. _'But this is 100 percent wrong, Lila. He's in the mob. He's not just in the mob, he **IS** the mob. And your parents, they'd kill you. And then there's everything that happened in the past.. What if you let him in and you realize that you only want him, you don't love him? Look what your mom did, not once but twice.. What if you're just like that?'_ she thought to herself as she looked up at him, eyes locked on his eyes which were right now practically glowing with mischief.

"What do you look so damn smug about?" she asked with a mock pout as he leaned in and said quietly, "The other night.. You were smiling, laughing. Tonight, doll, you're out with him and you're bored to death. I think you know what's going on.. Just scared. But you don't have to be. You never really did."

She gulped. If she had any common sense, she realized, she'd be walking away now. But her feet were practically rooted to the floor at this point as she looked up at him, a deer in the headlights look frozen on her face. "I'm not. I just.." she muttered weakly, but his lips cut her off in mid sentence. "I have been dying to do that." he muttered, his voice coming out more like a low and deep growl as he spoke into her lips and his right hand tangled in her long and wavy dark hair and his left hand rested on the side of her face gently.

She gasped. Her eyes practically flew open and if women still swooned, she probably would be doing that very thing right now. The kiss broke (but only after she caved in, much to her own chagrin) and she looked at him for a few moments, stunned. "I need to get back to my table." she stammered as she tried to turn, tried to walk away.

He stopped her again and said quietly, "So.. Sage and Dillon are havin this thing this weekend.. It's bullshit really, black tie.."

"I know. I'm invited. Maxie and Georgie roped me into going."

"So I will see you there?" Johnny asked, a smug and cocky grin, the one that secretly made her knees weak before, came to his face and she nodded as she said quietly, "Alone, most likely. I'm apparently asking too much to find a guy in this town that doesn't spend an entire date looking at his work phone." in a solemn tone.

"Good idea. I'll probably be alone too." Johnny said with a shrug as he looked at her. The slight jealous look he saw that she probably didn't even realize she gave him when he said probably was enough to really give him hope.  
It wasn't too late.  
-

"What the hell do you mean, Sam, this is complicated?" Alexis asked her daughter as Sam sat down in a booth at Kelly's beside her. Sam sighed and held her head in her hands, holding out a sonogram to her mother. "It is now."

Alexis gasped and stared for a few moments and then looked at Sam who said quietly, "I'm going to lose my husband. And my baby's father might not even love me. When I screw up, Mom, I really go all out, don't I?"

Alexis sighed and asked quietly, "You saw him with Ava, didn't you?"

"Mhmm. They looked awfully cozy." Sam said as she groaned and said solemnly, "I have to tell Lucky. If there's one thing I do know, Mom, it's that around here, secrets never keep."

Alexis nodded, placing a hand on her daughters shoulder as she said "I agree. You need to tell Lucky what's happened. And you need to fully explain the situation, Sam.."

"There is no explaining it, Mom. I know how it's going to go. I dread it and it's killing me, but the longer I keep this secret, the worse it'll be if it comes out and it doesn't come from me. There's a huge chance that this baby could be Lucky's too, but there's also the chance that it could be Silas'." Sam said quietly as she sipped a Sprite and only halfway listened as Jake Owens played on the diner's ancient jukebox and people chattered happily all around her.

The day was beautiful, the sun was bright, it was warm not hot and the birds were chirping. Flowers were blooming everywhere. But to her it felt like the iciest of cold winters nights. All she could think about was how this was going to crush her husband.

And what it was going to do to their kids. Lila had already been through this once before with her and Jason. She'd never fully recovered from it, either.


	7. Black Ties & Affairs III

CHAPTER SIX

( RUINED YOUR )BLACK TIE AFFAIR III

Sam hadn't ever had good timing. And when Lucky came home that night, and she'd decided that if she didn't tell him now, she probably never would, she probably should've taken two things into consideration.. First would be his mood.. He'd had a bad day at work, he'd lost a lead in a really, really big case and basically watched 5 months of work get pissed down a drain.. The second would be just how much she really wanted to fight with him that night, given recent events, given the fact that since she'd 'woken up in her dream life' and was now attempting to live it, just how much she honestly wanted to lose it all.

But, naturally, she'd never had good timing. But was there ever actually a good time to tell your spouse you'd screwed around? She mused about this as she paced the hardwood floor, barefoot, in front of him. She didn't dare meeting his eyes.

She knew he'd see right through her.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked, standing, walking to her to soothe her. She pushed him away, but not like she would if angry with him. Like she would if she knew what she was about to say or do was going to hurt him.

"Okay, Sam, starting to freak me out here." Lucky said quietly as he fixed his eyes on her, his heart hammering in his chest, his throat dry. She sighed and said quietly, "We were having so much trouble until here recently, Lucky... I just.. I never knew if you were coming home every night, if you were going to be high or drunk.. Or both sometimes.. And it was scaring me.."

"What happened, Sam?"

"I need to tell you something." she said as she made herself look up at him and gulped, distressed. She sighed and said quietly, "But first, Lucky, I need you to know something else.. I love you. I want to fight for us, for what we have, for our family. I don't want to lose you. But.." her voice going quieter at the but.

He looked at her and things started to click into place. His fists clenched in his pockets and he asked her in a cold tone, "How long, Sam.. How long have you been screwing Jason?"

She looked at him with a raised brow and said quietly, "It wasn't.. It wasn't Jason."

"Who the fuck was it then?" he asked, mostly in panic, mostly in anger. He was trying to keep calm but he was rapidly losing his grip on his temper. The Spencer temper was about to come out and it was about to come out in spades.  
"Dr.. It was Dr. Clay."

"That asshole?" Lucky asked as he looked at her, shocked and hurt, angrier than he'd been in a long time. He'd thought that they were going to be okay, especially lately. Everything had been going so good.

She tried to hold onto him, he stepped back and shook his head. "I can't right now.. I'm going for a drive. I need to think." he said quietly, calmly as he fought back angry tears. He turned and walked out of their apartment just as Lila was walking in. "Daddy L.." she said with a bright smile as she got ready to hug him. The smile dropped from her face as he walked past, mumbling under his breath. Sam sighed and looked at Lila who looked at her and for a moment, neither female said a word.

"Why, Mom?" she finally asked as Sam sighed and sank down onto the couch. Lila wasn't a baby anymore, the standard "It's adult stuff, complicated adult stuff" wasn't going to cut it for this one. Lila paced as she bit her lower lip and tried to figure out just how badly her world was about to come crashing down on her again, for a second time in her life.

"You should have just stopped it after the first time, Mom. Lucky.. He really, really loves you." Lila said as Sam nodded and then biting her thumbnail muttered quietly, "Loved."

"Mom, don't say that.."

"Lila, you have to be ready to accept that this might not work itself out." Sam said quietly as Lila looked at the door, then her mother. She blinked her eyes and then stood and said "Going out. Don't wait up for me."  
And when she stormed out, door slamming behind her, Sam curled into a heap on the couch and cried as hard and as long as she could.

* * *

Lila sat in her car, looking at the steering wheel, shocked. Everything had been going so well for her mom, she'd even ended things with Silas recently. What made her mom tell Lucky about the affair? What made her mom risk throwing it all away? What made her mom just wake up and decide to hurt Lucky, to ruin their family for a second time in her life?  
All those questions kept racing through her mind and as she started the car, she wondered for a split second if her own situation weren't an indication of things to come for her in life.

"I'll never hurt someone like that. If I don't love them then I'll tell them so. Plain and simple." Lila muttered as she flipped through the radio's presets, found a nice classic rock station that happened to be playing an older Jimi Hendrix song, "Hey Joe".

She texted her father and sighed as she bit her lower lip, sitting in the exit of the parking garage. "I'll go see Dad for a few minutes. Then I'm going to try and find Daddy L and make sure he's okay." she said aloud as she drove out of the garage, turned in the direction that lead to her father and stepmother's house in the suburban area of town.

She sat in the driveway, debated for a full five minutes then finally went in when Liz walked out and knocked on the window gently. "I need.. I need my daddy. I just need to talk to him." Lila managed as she tried to keep the tears and the anger, the pain at bay.

Liz nodded at the garage where her father stood beneath, a long neck bottle in one hand, wrench in the other, glaring intently at his motorcycle. "Is there anything I can do?" Liz asked even though she could look at Lila's face and tell there wasn't.

"I just need to talk to my daddy. Alone. I mean if that's alright?"

"Of course it's alright, Lila, I've never tried stopping you from seeing him. Are you okay tonight?" Liz asked as she eyed her stepdaughter in concern. Lila shuffled her feet and then shrugged, took a few deep breaths before it all came pouring out and she sat down on the concrete stoop of the porch, crying like an oversized baby.

That's what drew Jason out of his garage. The Metallica that had been blasting stopped and he jogged over, sat down, his arms around her as he held her and let her cry. "What's wrong? Who's ass am I going to kick?" the questions came in a rush as she looked up at him and then shook her head and said "It's not me, daddy. It's mom.. She.. She was screwing around on Lucky and tonight.. She told him.. I mean I think she did, he stormed out and she's there now, crying. She wants to work things out with him."

Jason sighed. The affair hadn't exactly been a state secret, but he hated that Lila knew and felt like she was in the middle of things. Just like the first time.. he thought with regret as Liz looked at them and then said quietly, "I'm gonna go inside and let you two talk this out. Sounds more like a father and daughter thing.. But Lila? Sometimes adults do really, really stupid things when they're hurt. Maybe your mom.. Maybe she and Lucky can fix this."

Lila shrugged but she didn't feel confident about that happening anytime soon. "I wanted to see you. You're pretty much the only person in my life who's never purposely lied to me or kept things from me because I was little or it might hurt me."  
Jason stopped himself from saying aloud _'I wish like hell, baby girl, I had. You didn't need to know everything between your mom and I, or how it ended and why. Maybe if I had, Lila, you'd have a lot more innocence and trust left.'_ and said instead, "You can't fix things for them, Lila, if they both don't want things to be fixed. All you can do is be there for your brother and your mom and Lucky. All you can actually do and all you should do, Lila, is love them despite all the things they've done to mess up their lives. Like you do with me."

She nodded and said through her tears, sniffling, "You didn't screw things up, Daddy."

"I did, Lila. Because I decided that we weren't going to make it and I left." Jason said quietly as he looked at his rough and oil stained hands, thinking for a moment. "Heard Logan's back in town." he mused aloud as Lila shrugged and shifted closer to him and muttered something that sounded like "I'd rather not think about him, really."

"You can't let it bug you forever." Jason scolded patiently as she sighed and shrugged then said "I just.. Everything keeps coming back, I keep remembering how badly he hurt me. And how stupid I felt for letting him." and snuggled against Jason.  
Jason stood, pulling his daughter off of the stoop. "C'mon.. Let's go for a ride." he said as she nodded and asked hopefully, "Any chance you'll let me beat you at pool?"

Jason shrugged mysteriously, but when she wasn't looking he smiled to himself. He knew that the odds were, that if it made her feel better, he would let her win a game or two of pool.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed the keys to his restored Gran Torino as he kissed Liz and brushed his lips against her neck as he whispered "Taking Lila for a ride in the car. I'll take Jake and Aiden and Cam later. We'll all go and get some ice cream. I just really think she needs me right now."

Liz nodded and said quietly, "She does. Go ahead and go. I'll keep the boys in so they don't see you two leaving and pitch a fit."

He smiled and walked back outside, keys in hand. "So.. What else is bothering you?" he asked as she got into the passenger seat and said quietly, "Nothing it's just.. I'm afraid, daddy.. What if I make the same mistakes?"

"Then you make them. It's part of being human, Lila. If you're scared of making mistakes, you don't need to be. Making mistakes can sometimes turn into the best thing in the world."

She nodded thoughtfully and looked out the window, debating on whether she should tell her dad about her current situation, her feelings. In the end she decided not just yet because she was at least 90 percent certain that even if she did try, she'd mess it all up somehow.

* * *

Lucky drove quietly. The radio wasn't even going tonight. He couldn't stop thinking about what Sam said before he stormed out, couldn't help but blame himself for it all to some degree. That's how he wound up on Luke's boat after leaving Jakes, having been thrown out for an argument with someone in the bar, he forgot who, really, bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the bar between himself and his old man.

"What's on your mind tonight, Chief."

"Sam.. She had an affair." Lucky admitted through gritted teeth as Luke poured himself a shot then slid Lucky's shot glass away. "None for you tonight."

"Pour me a fucking shot. I don't want to feel."

"No, son, because alcohol in this town? You're liable to wake up in bed with your mother in law or something come tomorrow. It never goes well for you. Now.. Tell me what was said." Luke said calmly as he pulled out a Cuban cigar from his jacket pocket and then sat on the stool on his side of the bar.

Lucky made a grab for the bottle, but Ethan, who happened to be in the vicinity, with Kristina, took the bottle and held it out of his reach before giving it to Kristina who went to the back and put it up.

"Why in the hell would you do that?" Lucky asked as Ethan reminded him "Your job. Your family. You've got too much to lose. No sense in throwing it all away." calmly.

"You've got no idea what's going on, Lovett, so stay out." Lucky grumbled as Ethan looked at him for a moment and said "Maybe not. But I am your brother."

"And it's none of your business." Lucky grumbled as Luke stood to the side, prepared to shove his two offspring off if things got too heated.

Luckily, they hadn't grown up under the same roof. Luke suspected that on occasion, he'd have been ready to hop a plane if they had grown up together and escape to Jamaica or something, never come back.

"Pipe down, both of you. You.. Get that pretty little girl of yours home, Dodge. And you, Chief, come with me. Now."  
"I'm not a kid anymore."

"I'm aware of this, yes, but right now, I don't honestly care." Luke stated as he held open the door to the back of the boat, his private quarters and let Lucky step through. Lucky did and flopped down on the bed. "What's this gonna do?"

"It's keeping you from climbing behind the wheel, yes?" Luke asked as Lucky gave him a sarcastic thumbs up and started to grumble about what'd happened. Luke stopped in the doorway and then said "Do you love her?"

"If I didn't, old man, don't you think I'd still be with Liz? Or alone?" Lucky said quietly as he raised to sit on the cot in the back, looked at his hands.

"Then think everything over, chief. You'll make the right call, you always do. In the meantime, enjoy your siesta, senor. I'll get you up when it's time to lock the place down."

"Why are you doing this, dad?"

"Because, Lucky.. If someone had done it for me, I wouldn't have nearly killed that little kid, Jake, would I? We're all lucky he came out of it with a broken arm." Luke said quietly, patiently as he ducked out the door, shutting and locking the damn thing behind him so Lucky could sleep off the alcohol he'd already consumed at Jakes before showing up at his father's boat.

Lucky groaned and then took a few deep breaths. The last thing Sam said to him before he stormed out kept repeating in his head.

But how do you get past something like that?

* * *

"Thanks, daddy." Lila said as they pulled back into the driveway of her father and stepmother's house. Jason nodded and smiling said "I enjoyed it, Lila." with her nodding and adding "Me too. It got my mind off of things for a little bit anyway. I'm gonna go try and find Lucky."

"Maybe you should let him be alone for now, huh? It's hard to talk about something like that." Jason spoke from experience, looking at his daughter as he said "He just needs to think. And it's not your job to fix our mistakes." as he tweaked her nose with his thumb and hugged her goodbye, kissing the top of her head.

"Okay, alright. I'll just go for a drive or something. Maybe go by Maxie's."

"That's a girl." Jason said as he watched Lila backing out of the driveway, sitting down on the stoop in front of the door, leaned against the frame. Liz spoke from behind him and asked curiously, "Well?"

"She'll be okay. It hurts her because she's been through it once before." as Liz nodded and felt a moments guilt. "She's going to be okay though." Jason affirmed as he looked up at Liz and then added "She's just got to realize that it's not her job to fix her parents mistakes."

Liz nodded knowingly.

Lila pulled into Jakes and parked, getting out, walking to the bar, sliding onto a stool. "Two shots, Coleman."

"You just missed your stepdaddy, Lil bit." Coleman said as he poured her two shots. Nathan slid into the empty space next to her and then said quietly "Lila?"

"Yeah. I just had to get away from the apartment. You're not on a case?" she asked Nathan who shook his head and said "Nothing on the horizon. That other case is closed."

"How'd it go?"

"Not too great, actually. Found out more than I wanted to know to begin with." Nathan said as he popped his knuckles and asked "Can I take the shot?"

"Sure, go ahead." Lila said as she slammed the remaining shot back. "So.. What was so bad about your night?"  
"Too much to talk about, really. About the other night, our date.. I ignored you and I'm sorry. I just.. I was close to making a break in the case, distracted." Nathan said as Lila shrugged and then said calmly, "It's okay, really. I was distracted too and I was the one who acted like she didn't wanna be there."

"Not really." Nathan argued as she looked at him and signalled for two more shots. She sighed and then biting her lower lip said "I just.. I have a hard time, ya know.. Letting people in?"

"Yeah, I kinda heard about it all. Because of Baldwin, right?"

"Not in so many words, but yeah. There's other stuff too but he didn't help and I can't blame him solely for it all. Most of it's my fault. Just scared." she spoke honestly, looking at the tv over the bar.

Nathan nodded and then asked her with a slightly crooked smile, "Wanna play some pool or dance? It's the least I can do.. Besides, you look upset."

"I am, actually. I'd rather not talk about it, but sure.. Let's dance." she muttered as she let him lead her out onto the floor. Something about it felt wrong, but she kept that to herself. Everything didn't have to be complicated.  
Maybe if she just stopped worrying and just let things happen on their own..


	8. Black Ties & Affairs IV

CHAPTER SIX

(RUINED YOUR) BLACK TIE AFFAIR IV

She stood in front of her mirror, looking at her costume for the party, wondering for a split second if she should even go. It wasn't like anybody was expecting her there, or she'd be missed. She could just stay home and watch tv or something, it wouldn't be a big deal. Parts of her knew that she wanted to go, but other parts of her wanted to stay home and avoid seeing Logan yet again since she'd found out earlier that he was going.

Then again, so was Johnny.. And Nathan.

_'Here you go again, Lila, torn between the two of them. Did you not already say that you were NOT going to be like your mom when it came to your love life? Why then, are you in this situation at all?' _ she thought to herself as she finished getting ready. The door to her bedroom opened partially and her mom walked in, sat down on the bed.

"Be careful tonight. Everytime someone in this damn town has a party, Lila.." Sam said nervously but in a firm enough tone for Lila to know she was serious. Lila nodded grimly and then said in a quiet almost whisperlike voice, "I know, Mom. And you too.. I mean with the decision you obviously have to make now."

"I don't have to make a decision. I know what I want.. It's just a matter of Lucky wanting anything more to do with me." Sam said quietly as she looked at Lila and asked casually, "Who's your date?"

"Nobody, actually. Nathan's stuck working later than he thought and.. I just think I'd be better off going alone. Besides, it's not like I'm actually gonna stay long, this is Sage's thing, remember? We weren't ever really close. Only going for Dil." Lila said calmly as she finished pulling up a stocking, fastening the garter.

"That's a pretty costume."

"I.. I made it earlier in the week. Maxie and I made our own dresses." Lila admitted as she smiled and added "Thanks, Mom. And for what it's worth.. I'm not angry at you. I'm actually sort of starting to see what it feels like, the complexities of actually being in love. I didn't back then." before hugging her mother for a moment and then stepping back, looking at her. "Things work themselves out, Mom. You just have to have hope."

"I do.. But I also know that Lucky's not going to forgive that easily, all things considered. Which really sucks, because I know now just how much of a mistake I made. He hasn't been home." Sam said as Lila nodded and said quietly "He'll come back, Mom. You guys will talk. I just have this feeling."

"I wish I could be that confident." Sam admitted as Lila shrugged and then said quietly, "So, I'm gonna go to this thing.. Gonna get it over with. And Mom? You are that confident.. You just forgot somewhere along the way." before grabbing her keys and walking out the door of her room, then out of the apartment.

Sam sat in the middle of her daughter's room, looked around it in curiousity. The Lila she'd imagined so many times in her dreams wasn't anything like this one. She sighed as she thought to herself _'Is this a dream you're trapped in, Sam? Or a nightmare? Because you screwed around on your husband and you might just lose him. You're pregnant by another man and your daughter.. She's so closed off emotionally. Nothing in this 'other plane of existance', if that's what this is, makes any sort of sense.. How can you fix this all?'_

The answer, plain and simple, hurt and angered her. Maybe she couldn't. Maybe this was some odd sort of self punishment or something.

Karma.

* * *

Lucky woke with a splitting headache and a mouth that felt like it had cottonballs shoved in it. He sat up and winced then looked around as he realized that he wasn't at home with Sam and Danny or Lila, he was on the Haunted Star, in his father's 'crash room.'

He hadn't been home in almost 12 hours or so. His cell phone was going crazy when he finally got it together enough to read the texts and hear the messages that'd been left for him. _'She's crying. She called you crying at least 24 times, Spencer. If she didn't love you..' _ one part of his mind yelled at him while another part proclaimed _'If she did love you, Spencer, she'd have never wanted to cheat. If you loved her man, would you have gotten hooked on the pills though? What about all your damning flaws? Or did you forget those?'_

He stood up and stumbled out into the main area, the scent of coffee hitting his nose. His father held out a steaming mug and then said quietly, "I think, Chief, you ought to get sobered up, shower and go back to your apartment. Sam's called this damn phone so much that I'm surprised it hasn't burnt it up."

Lucky stared at him, dazed.

Luke smacked Lucky in the forehead and then said "Go." as he pointed to the door. Lucky looked at the door and thought it over for a few moments, finally he decided that he should at least talk to her about it.

Talking might help them. They'd been in trouble for a while now if he had to be totally honest with himself. He loved her, that one fact stood out above everything else.

Could he forgive her?

He had no clue yet.

But he did know that he loved her, and he did know that their son needed and deserved both parents together, in his life.

He sighed and then nodded solemnly, took a sip of the coffee and then said quietly, "Gonna talk to her, Dad. If it works, good. If not, can't say I didn't try, right?"

"That's a good way to look at it. If it won't work, Chief, can't say you didn't try. I just wish to hell I'd have tried harder with some things." Luke said, speaking from his own personal experiences, of course.

Lucky nodded and sitting down the cup of coffee, he walked out of the Haunted Star and began the drive back to his apartment.

The whole way there, he had a serious and quite intense mental debate going.

And he was nervous as hell.

Could they make it past this?

* * *

Lila stood near an elegantly decked table that was filled from one end to the other with various finger foods and a wet bar. She sipped from a champagne flute watching all of her friends with their husbands and wives.

She sighed and leaned back a little, looking around the crowded room. Why had she even come to this? She heard him before she saw him and rolled her eyes as she was turned around. Logan smiled down at her as he said quietly, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering why the hell I even came, actually."

"Me too.. But somebody told me you'd be here. I.. I wanted to see you." Logan admitted as she looked at him then said "Sure you did."

He looked hurt by her remark and then he said quietly, "I made a mistake. I should've stayed with you, Lila."

"But you didn't, did you? You left too." Lila said simply as he looked at her a moment and then said quietly "People make mistakes."

"You really didn't love me. Just like I didn't love you. I wish I'd known it then. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much damn time being bitter and hurt." Lila said as she sipped her champagne, watched the crowd intently, watched Sage and Dillon smashing cake in each other's faces, a tradtion that normally waited until the reception, but they'd decided to do during the engagement party.

Logan looked at her and tried to think of something to say in response to what she'd said. Nothing came. He turned and walked away, figuring that for now, it'd be best if he left her alone. He knew now that she wasn't just hurting about his choosing Lulu over her, she was still hurting from the first time she'd been 'left', when her mom and dad split up when she was smaller.

And he knew just how close he'd gotten to her and how badly it hurt her when he chose Lulu over her now.

Lila was just about to sneak out of the room when Johnny walked in, looked at her and asked with a teasing grin, "Where you going?"

"Out on the terrace. It's a little crowded in here." Lila said meekly as she looked at him. He shook his head and said pointedly, with a smirk, "The terrace, doll, is behind ya. Not this way. You weren't gonna leave?"

"Okay, fine. I was going to leave. These things always make me feel weird." Lila said with a shrug as he nodded in agreement and said "Me too."

"Last girl standing and all that." Lila said as Johnny nodded and said quietly, "You didn't have to be, Lila doll."

She sighed as she looked at him. _'He is right. He practically laid his beating heart in your hands. What'd you do, huh? You tucked your tail between your legs and ran screaming. You couldn't deal with it, it was too real, too scary. You were too damn afraid to let yourself fall.' _she thought to herself as she looked up at him.

His hand shot out and straightened her feathered headpiece, he shrugged and said calmly, "It was crooked."

"Mhmm." she said as she looked at him, bit her lower lip. He looked at the potential bride and groom then snickered as he joked "It's gonna last a year tops. Dillon's always been too damn stupid to see when he's being taken for a ride."

"Sage might actually love him." Lila countered as she laughed at herself then said "But I'm not saying I disagree either. I mean all I do remember about her is that she's wishy washy. She just better not hurt my cousin." defensively.

Johnny held out his hand and nodded to the terrace as he grabbed two more flutes of champagne. "It is a little crowded in here."

She let him lead her out on the terrace and he shut the door behind them. She stood looking over the balcony's railing, down at the gardens below. Johnny walked up behind her, his hand rested on her hip as he said with a confident and playful smile, "Better now?"

"A little, yeah." Lila said as she stiffened slightly, bit her lower lip at his touch. She turned around and he said quietly, "I know I am."

He was just about to lean in and kiss her when the door to the terrace opened and Georgie shouted out to Lila, "Sage wants the girls in the room." and gave Johnny a strange look. Johnny looked right back at Georgie and grumbled to himself. Naturally, her friends still thought he was 'bad' for her, because he was in the mob.

Her own damn father was in the mob. But hey, Saint Jason did no wrong. Johnny looked at Lila who looked at Georgie and then called out "It's cool, you guys go ahead. I'm kinda not in the mood. She's probably just showing off that gigantic fucking ring anyway. Really rather not have all that rubbed in my face." in a quieter tone of voice towards the end.

"You're sure?" Georgie asked, concerned. She was wary about leaving Lila on the balcony with Johnny given what she knew about his having taken over his biological fa ther's 'organization'. He'd never been a really good guy before.

None of them had seen what Lila saw in him.

They all worried about her and his 'hold' on her when the two had been together before. Now that he was back, the group of friends collectively were all torn.. SOme of them thought it might not be a bad thing if Johnny and Lila finally got together.

And others thought that maybe Nathan or Logan even would be better for their friend.

But any guy was going to have hell climbing all those walls she'd built around her heart to keep a guy out.


	9. Black Ties & Affairs V

CHAPTER SEVEN

(RUINED YOUR) BLACK TIE AFFAIR V

Sam stood in the kitchen, steaming cup of coffee in hands as she paced. She worried every time, - _or she figured she must worry in this other plane of existance, if that was what this even was to begin with_ - there was some kind of social event Lila was invited to because Port Charles had this habit of bad things happening on nights when everyone was gathered together in one small area like tonight.

Not only that, she knew how hard it'd been for Lila to even get herself together enough to go. Logan was going to be there, Sam had to guess it had been hard for Lila to even go knowing that. But she had and for that Sam was proud of her daughter. She was trying to face the painful past head on instead of letting it keep making her bitter.

The door was knocked on and she heard Lucky calling out on the other side, "It's me, Sam. We need to talk." as she sighed and her shoulders drooped. Her stomach twisted into a thousand little knots and she walked to the door and opened it, letting Lucky in. "Lila went to the engagement party?" Lucky asked as Sam nodded and added "And Danny's asleep. He's been out since about 8, I put in The Jungle Book and we watched that." as Lucky nodded and then walked into the apartment, sitting down on their couch. For a moment, he looked at his hands as his mind raced and he tried to figure out what exactly he was going to say.

"We need help.. If we're gonna make this work." he said finally, his voice quiet, his stomach churning. He looked up at her and then said quietly, "I don't wanna lose you. Not like this. And a lot of this was my fault to some degree."

"Whoa, wait.. You didn't make me cheat, Lucky. I should've never.."

"I did a lot and said a lot when I was on those pills, Sam. I put you and the kids through hell." Lucky started as Sam shook her head and said quietly, "It still doesn't excuse me or what I did. Lucky, when I took those vows, I meant them. And now I've done this. I know you won't ever be able to forgive me, I'm having a hard enough time forgiving myself." as she held his gaze.

"We can talk to someone. Maybe Kevin?"

She nodded and held out the coffee cup to him as she said quietly, "There's another complication, Lucky.. I'm.. I'm pregnant.. And it might or might not be yours.. That can destroy us."

"If we let it, Sam." Lucky said pointedly as he looked at her and slid his arms around her then said quietly, "When I took those vows, Sam, I meant them too. We just forgot what we meant to each other and life got in the way. We need to focus on us. We'll worry about whether this baby is or isn't mine when the time comes. I'm not saying I'm not angry, but I am saying that I love you too much to just walk away."

She nodded but in the back of her mind she wondered to herself just how things would pan out when the time came to worry about who's baby she was carrying. And what Silas was going to say when she told him too.

* * *

Lila peered through the French doors at the wedding party. Johnny walked over so that he stood behind her, his arms slid around her hips and he turned her to face him as he laughed and then said "Remember how you said you didn't go to your prom?"

"And you took me out into your grandfather's rose garden and played that really shitty song and we danced? I remember Claudia laughing at it saying it was stupid and silly and you were an idiot for doing it. I also remember.." Lila trailed off as Johnny tilted her chin up and then smiled as he shrugged it off and finished "Remembered what?"

"How much it meant to me." Lila finished as she looked at him and said quietly, "Why did you leave Italy and come back here? You had it all when you were there."

"No, Lila doll, I didn't. Thought I had enough to keep me going but I came back because I wanted something else, something different.. Something better, hell." Johnny said honestly as he looked down into her eyes. He needed her to see that he meant every word he said, that what he said was what he felt 100 percent. Because unlike everyone else, he knew that she kept people out because of what happened with her parents when she was a kid. She had a hard time trusting people and letting them close to her. She'd never say she blamed her father, but she'd never say she was happy when he and her mother split up, either. For one reason or another, he'd noticed that she seemed to focus more on her mother's role in the whole thing.

He'd never asked her why, he'd just noticed it.

"But what, Johnny?" Lila asked as she looked up at him and wondered what he was thinking right now, why he'd basically walked away from the Soleto family organization. He'd seemed so hellbent on running it when she pushed him away back then. What changed?

Johnny chuckled as he remembered the 'letter' Claudia had written for him that'd been found by housekeeping in Anthony's house and mailed to him. How it'd come when he was just about to burn out on life in general. Her advice about love and about fighting for what he really and truly wanted, how as her son she'd take it as a personal failure if he didn't at least go back and TRY to fight for Lila. He shrugged and said quietly through a sip of champagne, "Honestly? It was a sign from beyond."

"Huh?"

"My mom.. She wrote me this 10 page letter telling me how she wished she could've told me she was my mother and not my sister sooner. How she was proud of me and she hoped that her death made me stop and take a look at my life, at what I really wanted. She told me she never wanted this life for me and that I knew what I really wanted." Johnny said as he finished the glass of champagne and held Lila's gaze as he said quietly, "And she was right. And one way or another, Lila, I'm not gonna leave until I know for a fact it won't happen." as he leaned in and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She gasped and her arms went around his neck, her fingers tangled in the shaggier part of his dark brown hair.

"I didn't leave ya." he finished as he broke the kiss and said "Only left because I thought you wanted me gone." as he looked at her intently, licked his lips. She caught her breath and thought about what he said and how it made her feel. She sighed as she said quietly "It scares the living hell out of me.. But I realize now that I feel the same thing, I think? I think I always did.. But I'm too scared to do something about it." while looking at him, biting her lower lip as her stomach did lazy flip flops and she had this nagging sensation that maybe she'd finally be okay.

She just needed time. She just needed proof that everything would be okay, no matter what happened from here on out. She wanted to know that unlike her own parents, they'd never give up on each other.

The scary thing of it was, was that now, as an adult, she knew that you couldn't ever be too sure about anything. And if he hadn't come back, she might have lost him for good. What if he hadn't decided to come back now? She suddenly realized that she didn't feel quite as empty and alone around him as she did by herself or even when she'd been with Logan.

"I'm scared too." he admitted as he looked at her and said quietly, "but I'd rather do something about what I feel than go on ignoring it, Lila doll." while holding her gaze solemnly. She took a few deep breaths and said quietly "Okay. But what if we realize that we're not gonna make it?"

"Do you have to have the answer to everything right away?" Johnny asked as he held her against him and grazed his lips to her forehead while looking at her. "Point being, Lila.. I'm not goin anywhere. I came back here to fight for you and that's what I'm gonna do."

She nodded and then said quietly, "So.. Wanna walk back into the party with me?" as he nodded and smiled then said "I believe Georgie said something about Sage needing you in there 'like right away'?" in a joking tone. She rolled her eyes in mild annoyance and then said "Why, I don't know. We've never actually gotten along."

"Yeah, I know. Let's just humor her, huh?" Johnny muttered as they edged back into the room, Maxie shooting Lila a strange look as she mouthed "Him? Seriously?" with Lila nodding and giving a smile which Maxie returned and mouthed back "You look happy at least. He better not hurt you." before making her way over and saying the same thing she'd just mouthed to Lila, aloud to Johnny.

Maybe everything would be okay, maybe it was going to be the worst mistake of her adult life. But Lila was sick of hiding behind walls and fears. And seeing her parents go through what they had should've taught her not to do that, but it'd caused her to do that very thing. And she was going to try like hell to see where this with Johnny went.

The one thing she dreaded, to some degree, was sitting down her parents and telling them that she wasn't going to be stopped from seeing Johnny. None of them had ever actually particularly liked him around her.


End file.
